Shadows linger, flecking along my skin, icy to the touch. The corridor elongates every time I near the exit door. The simple journey is tedious, a labyrinth designed by my personal Minotaur. Dragging through the maze, I see a teddy bear lying on the ground. Worn and rough on its patchy tuft of fur, I almost leave it. But, it’s gaze glistened with warmth, so I grabbed it and walked on. The shadows began to creep in and I clutched the bear so tight it could have burst into stuffing. I closed my eyes and desperately wished to avoid the icy fingertips scaling across my body. And a feeling of comfort coated my thoughts, and I see the door at my reach. Holding my savior, I walk into a new light, with my teddy bear.

It’s been over a year, and I’ve finally moved on. Realizing that you wallow your fear of commitment into a haze of smoke and the stench of alcohol strikes my senses into a wakeup call. It wasn’t worth it. I don’t need to wait until we meet again to confirm it. By then, you’ll be an empty skeleton shaking your bones in a loss of stability. My heart has opened new doors, to new feelings I am afraid to try. It was almost safer staying in the abyss of self pity. But life moves on and the scene changes. There are better people and things in this world and I intend to explore them whether they scare the shit out of me or not. Why? Because I’ve wasted enough time and now is my redemption.

Every time I seem to find an understanding of where I am, the room shifts unsteadily. My feet falter, tripping over my own values and beliefs until I watch the heavy floor approach me with the helpful push from gravity. A single drop falls and no more.

I’m going to expand from just being a writing blog. So, if anyone who has followed me wants only writing, I won’t be offended by an unfollow. I will still write, but post new material in photos and other forms of expression.

I don’t feel like forming an eloquent piece to express what I feel. Summed up: I feel like shit. I have done my best to be good enough in the acceptance of others, but the world is greedy. Expectations bruise our strength, lies stab our backs, and betrayals break our hearts. My pride has cracked, and reopened a deep wound, as a pool of strife and fear bleeds out. How rugged the core of humanity is..

A tribute for the artistry that wove itself into my heart during the hardest part. As quickly as the speed of sound did I learn you were my parachute that brought me over to paradise. Oh did God put a smile on my face as I prayed til kingdom come asking if I was lost? As I wandered I came upon death and all his friends up in a cemetery in london and answered all of my what ifs. As 42 clocks passed by, I went to Amsterdam and saw Charlie Brown as I felt a rush of blood to the head. I got swallowed by the sea as I fell back to square one not knowing between X &Y. A whisper from the white shadows told me everything was not lost. And I woke up to a life in technicolor as a scientist looked down on me telling me “don’t panic, for I will try to fix you.” I look over and see we never change because of a twisted logic that hurts like heaven. So the best we can do is viva la vida and send a hopeful transmission up with the birds, for it is us against the world.

That desperate gasp you take
When you finally get a wisp of air
Sink into your lungs

Deep breaths
Take it easy before you
Panic at the sudden relief.

That’s what I feel
In this moment
Able to feel relief.

Will it be short lived?
Will I gain closure?
Only time will tell.

Feel the dirty beat sink into your skin, soaking in the bass vibrating through the speakers. The sick rhythms snake its way through the room and break in to your ears. Each string of musical artistry inhibits a tapping of the foot and involuntary bobbing of your head, syncopating with the downbeats. Bathe in its electrifying composition of synthesizers that spark every nerve on fire. Drench yourself, dunk your head into the creative juices of the artist’s vision until you are consumed by their pandemonium of inspiration. Listen.